Dad jokes: 80 clean, funny jokes the whole family will groan at

The short answer: dad jokes are short, clean, pun-filled jokes that make kids roll their eyes and grandparents laugh out loud. Here are 80, sorted by topic.

• Topics: food, animals, school and science, everyday
• Seasonal: Thanksgiving and Christmas dad jokes
• Telling tips: keep it short and pause before the punchline
• Skip jokes that tease someone at the table
• Next step: Plan it with the Kids Chore Chart ($3.49).

Dad jokes are the short, clean, pun-filled jokes that make kids roll their eyes and grandparents laugh out loud. They work at dinner, in lunchbox notes, on long car rides and at holiday gatherings. Below are 80 dad jokes and funny jokes sorted by topic, including Thanksgiving and Christmas jokes for this season, plus tips for telling them with a perfectly straight face.

Wear your role proudly in the I Run the Family Calendar Tee, or reward chore finishers with a joke of the day on the Kids Chore Chart.

Why dad jokes work

Most dad jokes are puns, which Britannica defines as a humorous use of a word with more than one meaning or of words that sound alike. A psychology professor interviewed by NPR explained that a good dad joke is clean, simple and a little bit groan-worthy, and that the groan is part of the fun. One study covered by Smithsonian magazine even found that adding a laugh track made people rate corny jokes as funnier, which may explain why a family's groans and laughs make dad jokes better.

Food dad jokes

1. Why did the cookie go to the doctor? It was feeling crummy.
2. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
3. Why did the banana go to the doctor? It wasn't peeling well.
4. What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.
5. Why don't eggs tell jokes? They'd crack each other up.
6. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
7. How do you fix a cracked pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch.
8. Why did the tomato blush? It saw the salad dressing.
9. What kind of shoes do frogs wear? Open-toad sandals.
10. I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.

Animal dad jokes

1. What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A dino-snore.
2. Why are fish so smart? They live in schools.
3. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
4. Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don't work.
5. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
6. Why don't seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they'd be bagels.
7. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
8. How do bees get to school? On the school buzz.
9. Why did the cat sit on the computer? To keep an eye on the mouse.
10. What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador.

School and science dad jokes

1. Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems.
2. I'd tell you a chemistry joke, but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.
3. Why did the student eat his homework? The teacher said it was a piece of cake.
4. What do you call a number that can't keep still? A roamin' numeral.
5. Why can't you trust an atom? They make up everything.
6. How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.
7. Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.
8. What's a pirate's favorite letter? You'd think it's R, but it's the C.
9. Why are elevator jokes so good? They work on many levels.
10. I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.

Everyday dad jokes

1. I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know y.
2. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.
3. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
4. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
5. Why did the picture go to jail? It was framed.
6. What do you call a factory that makes okay products? A satisfactory.
7. I would avoid the sushi if I were you. It's a little fishy.
8. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
9. Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two tired.
10. What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurty.

Thanksgiving dad jokes

1. Why did the turkey cross the road? It was the chicken's day off.
2. What do you call a running turkey? Fast food.
3. Why can't you take a turkey to church? It uses fowl language.
4. What did the turkey say to the computer? Google, google, google.
5. Why did the cranberries turn red? They saw the turkey dressing.
6. What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turkey.
7. What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? Where's pop corn?
8. Why was the Thanksgiving soup so expensive? It had 24 carrots.
9. What do you get when you cross a turkey with a banjo? A turkey that can pluck itself.
10. Why did the pilgrims' pants keep falling down? Their belt buckles were on their hats.

Christmas dad jokes

1. What do you call an elf who sings? A wrapper.
2. What does Santa do in his garden? He hoes, hoes, hoes.
3. Why is Santa so good at karate? He has a black belt.
4. What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Frosted Flakes.
5. What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate clauses.
6. Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber? It needed a trim.
7. How does a snowman get around? By riding an icicle.
8. What do you call a broke Santa? Saint Nickel-less.
9. Why are Christmas trees bad at knitting? They keep dropping their needles.
10. What did one ornament say to the other? Stop hanging around.

Holiday and seasonal dad jokes

1. What do you call a snowman in July? A puddle.
2. Why did the leaf go to the doctor? It was feeling green.
3. What did the beach say when the tide came in? Long time no sea.
4. Why do calendars feel popular? They have a lot of dates.
5. What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.
6. How do you organize a space party? You planet.
7. What kind of music do mummies love? Wrap music.
8. What did one wall say to the other? I'll meet you at the corner.
9. Why do skeletons stay so calm? Nothing gets under their skin.
10. What do you call a reindeer with no eyes? No idea.

Funny jokes for work and family dinners

1. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
2. Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts.
3. I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
4. Want to hear a joke about construction? I'm still working on it.
5. I'm terrified of elevators, so I'm taking steps to avoid them.
6. What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing, it just waved.
7. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
8. How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it.
9. The rotation of Earth really makes my day.
10. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.

Tips for telling dad jokes

Ways to use dad jokes with your family

1. Put a joke of the day on the fridge or in a lunchbox note.
2. Start a dinner tradition where everyone tells one joke.
3. Hold a no-laughing challenge: the first person to laugh tells the next joke.
4. Use Thanksgiving jokes as an icebreaker between courses, alongside our Thanksgiving games.
5. Add a joke round to Christmas party games or a Christmas trivia night.
6. Let kids write their own puns, which is great practice for vocabulary and wordplay.

The bottom line

Dad jokes are clean, quick and guaranteed to get a groan, which is exactly the point. Pick a few favorites from these 80 funny jokes, save the Thanksgiving and Christmas dad jokes for the holidays, and tell them with confidence. For a seasonal round of the same family fun, try these Christmas jokes.

Saving these for the big day? Here's when Father's Day is this year and next, with easy ways to celebrate. For more ways to turn a quick joke break into family time, browse our kids activities hub.

Want jokes kids can try to solve? Our riddles for kids list has 80 riddles with answers, from easy to tricky.

Keep the giggles going with our list of funny questions to ask at dinner or on a road trip.