The rehearsal dinner: a simple planning guide

The short answer: the rehearsal dinner is the relaxed evening before the wedding, when the wedding party and close family share a meal and a few toasts.

• Who hosts and pays
• Who to invite: wedding party, officiant, parents and grandparents
• A sample timeline from three to four months out
• Toasts and simple budget ideas
• Next step: Plan it with the Wedding Budget Spreadsheet ($6.99).

The rehearsal dinner is the relaxed evening before the wedding, when the wedding party and close family share a meal and a few toasts. It's a chance to thank the people helping, let both families meet, and calm the nerves before the big day. This guide covers who hosts and pays, who to invite, when to send invitations, a sample timeline, toasts and a simple budget.

What the rehearsal dinner is for

The rehearsal is a short practice of the ceremony at the venue. The dinner follows it, usually the evening before the wedding. The Emily Post Institute's guide to the rehearsal dinner describes it as a time for the families and wedding party to gather, celebrate and offer toasts. It's usually smaller and more casual than the wedding itself.

Who hosts and pays

Tradition says the groom's family hosts the rehearsal dinner. That's still common, but it's not a rule. Emily Post notes that either family or the couple can host it, or the costs can be shared. What matters is that everyone agrees early.

A few ways families split it today:

• One family hosts the whole evening.
• Both families share the cost evenly or by item.
• The couple hosts, especially if they're paying for most of the wedding.
• A relative or friend offers to host a backyard dinner as a gift.

Whoever hosts usually chooses the venue and menu, with input from the couple.

Who to invite

Emily Post lists the people who are customarily invited:

Emily Post's advice on inviting out-of-towners says including guests who traveled is a kind gesture, but not required. If the list gets too long, a simple welcome drinks gathering for everyone can be a good alternative.

Rehearsal dinner timeline

Planning timeline

1. Three to four months out: decide who's hosting and set the budget.
2. Two to three months out: book the venue or caterer. Popular restaurants book up for wedding weekends.
3. Six to eight weeks out: finalize the guest list.
4. Three to six weeks out: send invitations, per Emily Post's guidance.
5. Two weeks out: confirm the headcount and menu.
6. One week out: confirm times with the venue and line up toasts.
7. The day of: bring gifts, place cards and payment.

Evening timeline

Keep the evening short. The couple and the wedding party have an early start the next day.

Choosing a venue and menu

The rehearsal dinner can be anything from a private room at a restaurant to a backyard barbecue. Popular choices:

• A restaurant private room. Easy, with no setup or cleanup.
• A family home or backyard. Personal and often the lowest cost.
• A brewery, winery or barbecue spot. Relaxed and fun for a mixed crowd.
• A family-style dinner. Shared platters encourage conversation.
• A themed dinner. A favorite cuisine of the couple, or a nod to where they met.

Pick a menu that's different from the wedding meal. If the wedding is a plated dinner, try a casual buffet, tacos, pizza or a cookout the night before. BBQ chicken and a couple of sides feed a big group for less.

Toasts

Toasts are the heart of the evening, and the rehearsal dinner is often where the most personal stories get told. Emily Post notes that the host usually gives the first toast. A common order:

The rehearsal is also the time to practice your wedding vows. Our guide covers length, wording and delivery tips.

1. The host, often a parent of the groom.
2. The other set of parents.
3. The best man, maid of honor or other attendants.
4. Close friends or siblings.
5. The couple, thanking everyone.

Ask people ahead of time if they'd like to speak, and keep each toast to about 2 to 3 minutes. Save the stories that are better for a smaller crowd for this night, and keep them kind.

Budget ideas

A rehearsal dinner can cost anywhere from a few hundred dollars to several thousand. Ways to keep the cost down:

• Keep the guest list to the core group.
• Host at home or in a backyard with catered trays.
• Choose lunch or brunch if the rehearsal is earlier in the day.
• Serve beer and wine instead of a full bar.
• Skip printed invitations for a small group and send an email.

Track the rehearsal dinner in the same budget as the wedding. The Wedding Budget Spreadsheet ($6.99) lets you enter each payment once and shows what you've paid, what you still owe and what's left. Our guide on how much a wedding costs puts the numbers in context.

Rehearsal dinner vs. welcome party

A welcome party is a newer tradition, often held the same night as the rehearsal dinner or the night before. The rehearsal dinner is for the wedding party and close family. A welcome party is open to all wedding guests, or at least everyone who traveled. Some couples hold a small rehearsal dinner and then join a larger welcome party afterward at a bar or hotel lounge. Others combine the two into one bigger, more casual evening. If you're combining them, budget for the larger headcount, and choose a venue that can handle both a seated meal and a mingling crowd. Either way, keep the guest list clear on the invitation so no one is confused about which event they're invited to.

Blended and divorced families

Weddings bring together families that may not see each other often. A few simple steps keep the evening comfortable:

• Talk to each parent ahead of time about who's hosting and who's speaking.
• Plan seating with care. Seat divorced parents at different tables, each with people they enjoy.
• Give everyone a role. Ask a stepparent to give a toast or welcome guests.
• Keep the focus on the couple and the people who helped.

Destination weddings

At a destination wedding, almost everyone has traveled. Many couples invite all guests to the rehearsal dinner or a welcome party, since everyone's in town and may not know the area. Book the venue early, as resort restaurants fill up, and ask whether the hotel offers a group menu. Share the start time, address and dress code in your wedding website and the welcome bag.

Thank-you gift ideas

The rehearsal dinner is a good time to give thank-you gifts to the wedding party and parents. Thoughtful ideas that don't cost much: a framed photo, a handwritten letter, a personalized mug or tote, a favorite book with a note inside, or an experience you can share later. Wrap and label the gifts ahead of time, so you can hand them out quickly after the toasts.

Day-of tips for the hosts

Confirm the final headcount with the venue two or three days before. Bring a printed seating chart or place cards, the thank-you gifts and the payment, plus cash for the tip if it isn't included. Assign one person to handle the bill so the couple doesn't have to think about it. Arrange rides or a shuttle for anyone who might need one, especially if drinks are served. And keep an eye on the clock: an evening that ends by 9:30 or 10 p.m. gives everyone a good night's sleep before the wedding.

What to include on the invitation

• The hosts' names.
• Date, time and address.
• Dress code.
• RSVP date and contact.
• A note if it's for the wedding party only, so no one feels left out by mistake.

Rehearsal dinner checklist

• Host and budget agreed.
• Venue or caterer booked.
• Guest list set and invitations sent.
• Menu chosen, with dietary needs noted.
• Toast order planned.
• Thank-you gifts wrapped and labeled.
• Final headcount sent to the venue.
• Payment and tip ready.
• Transportation home for anyone who needs it.

Keep it in the wedding plan

The rehearsal dinner is one more event in a busy week, so put it in the same plan as everything else. The Wedding Planner Checklist ($5.99) has a 12-month checklist plus budget, vendor, guest list, seating and day-of timeline pages. The Wedding Planning Bundle ($8.99) includes both the checklist and the budget spreadsheet, for less than buying them separately.

For the rest of the wedding week, see our wedding timeline, wedding guest list template and the wedding planning checklist and budget tracker. Our guide on how to plan a wedding covers the big picture.

The rehearsal dinner is one item on the wedding checklist for the bride, which covers the final weeks in detail.

Practicing the walk at the rehearsal? Follow our wedding processional order so everyone knows their place.